Tales From The Bleachers

Oct 28 2017

Next Question

Next Question is a new feature – maybe Fridays, weekends – just fun days in general. So I have been and will be fielding questions from friends and followers about youth sports, raising boys, dogs (pure breeds and rescues) and general stuff. Stuff they have – or think I might have – a point of view about (which, to anyone who knows me understands that I pretty much have a POV on everything.) But here, we will try to stick with topics that I am likely to have experience with such as how to identify lunatic coaches, the best ways to get out of booster meetings, when-if-and-how to ask the same 20 people to help you pay your kids’ sports fees every season, girls v. boys sports, do dynamics of fighter jet/overly involved parents change in middle-school, high school, college (you’ll be shocked)…stuff like that.

If you have a question leave a comment or submit your question below! Seems like it could be fun – let’s find out.

So, first question from the archives:

Q: “How can I keep from embarrassing my kid at his/her game?”

A: That is a GREAT QUESTION! Because we all know that parent am I right? They have a comment for every move the kid makes. They’re coaching from the stands, clapping the loudest, maybe whistling using the fingers-in-the-mouth-type-I’m-talking-LOUD-whistle, bringing giant snack bags and Gatorade over during the game, audibly reacting to every call that doesn’t go the kid’s way, questioning coach’s decisions and the kid is just “OMG Mom/Dad seriously?!” Yes that can get a kid worked up. So here’s what I’ve got: take a moment with your child, sit them down, maybe over Blizzard or a Sonic frozen cherry lemonade. Look them straight in the eye and tell them: “deal with it.” Next question?

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Oct 26 2017

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Life lessons, Uncategorized

How To Embrace the Empty Nest

And then there were two. That was the plan right? You have ’em, they, crawl, walk, run, eventually can get themselves in and out of their car seats (how awesome was that milestone?) then you know, the whole nine: pre-school, primary, elementary, high school, t-ball, pop warner football, little league and on it goes. Disclaimer: I know the college track does not have to be the standard anymore but let’s just set that aside. It went that way for us and hooray all good.

But then the weirdness sets in. Folks ask in the run up: “oh boy…gonna be an EMPTYNESTER EH? oh jeeze whatchya gonna do?…” As if we had absolutely no life, purpose, routine outside of our two boys? WTF?

Okay, we didn’t.

But hold on – we both have full time jobs, two dogs, some good friends, parents who are doing that aging thing. Listen we have stuff. But if we’re being honest our days and weeks for the last 15 years pretty much revolved around the next game, or practice, or sports related meeting, fundraiser, etc. Oh sure we had the occasional family gatherings, holidays, and – I’m sure all kinds of other stuff – but yes – our timelines worked around sports. So YES okay – there is a bit of weirdness now.

We aren’t pathetically pathetic middle-aged adults just waiting for the next text message or OMG PHONE CALL from the boys…(mainly because I have ~~begged for~~ asked the boys for a call every Sunday so there’s that.) No, the truth is that emotionally it’s all good. But the practical thing is where things are a little sideways. Practical in the every day marriage sense, the “just the two of us” sense. So here are some tips based on this new normal. Maybe it will prepare you just a teeny bit in the event you have the kid or last kid flying the coop next year or so:

Start jotting down conversation starters with your spouse that have nothing to do with the kids. Stuff like: wasn’t that article about prairie dogs being relocated mind-blowing? What, exactly do you do at your job all day? How do you feel about getting another dog?
Start taking an interest in your S.O’s interests. Remember how you did that when you were dating? (I couldn’t really remember but worth a shot.) For example, my husband loves Rush. I’ve been able to work around that for 18 years. Now I happen to know that Getty Lee’s real name is Gary and his mom had an accent that made it sound like “Getty” and he had funny friends who mimicked her so it stuck. Yes, I am super- wife now. I will bring this up every time the next Rush documentary is on like “see how into this I am? We are so a couple!”
Start noticing what your spouse likes to eat and doesn’t like. Likewise notice what you ACTUALLY like and don’t like. If you’re like us, you’ve pretty much been shopping and cooking for your kids for years and healthy or not you eat what you can get them to eat, you eat what they like. Two weeks ago I caught myself robotically dumping the usual 10 yoplaits for $10 into my cart. Then, thunderstruck: does Bryan even like yogurt? Do I? REVELATION! So I did it! I put the yoplait back on the shelf! And – went for the greek yogurt instead!

We can do this – yes we can.

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Tagged college, empty nest, emptynester, grown and flown, kids, marriage

Oct 24 2017

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Uncategorized

Stupid Things

Hey there – anyone out there remember me creating this blog…ahem- 8 years ago? Can you imagine if I would have been a more disciplined blogger? For cryin’ out loud I could be sitting on a beach somewhere rolling in, and sipping on royalties from my book derived from my oh so entertaining entries from the time my boys were 9 and 11? Ahhh. Well – I’m back. Here’s why:

I’ve been inspired by OTHER BLOGGERS who BLOG about writing. Here’s the line that got me: stop reading this blog and start writing!
My inspiration(s) for this blog are actually STILL. PLAYING. SPORTS – in college. Yes, it’s true. So yes, I have yet more, and more perspective to share on youth, high school (be excited, there is some gold in those years) and now…yes, division 1 college sports (spoiler alert – parents have crossed all boundries.)
As a result of bullet point #2 I have a little more free time to relate some amazing experiences, stories, advice..that I’ve gathered during the games, parent meetings, tryouts, heartbreaks, growing up, more growing up, tears, joy, loss – you know all that stuff. (I’m an empty nester- I’ve got time is the point.)
And on that note (bullet point #3) as the sporting life went on I not only was a parent, observer and fan, but immersed in all things boosterish at the preps level which, if you stay involved allows for some interesting observations. (not that anything can shock us anymore, can it?)
As a result and once again in reference to bullet #2, as a parent I’ve been on a personal journey that I’m pretty sure any parent, sports or not…will relate to and hopefully I can share a little perspective that might make the ride well…a little less bumpy, and maybe allow you to step back, take a breath and realize how very extraordinary it all can be.

So sit back and come along if YOU have some free time- as the saying goes…it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Aug 06 2015

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Baseball, Life lessons, On the bleachers, What I've learned

The Kids Are Alright

To quote Cher in Moonstruck: “SNAP OUT OF IT.”

As they say: time flies. I think I started this blog quite a few years ago…my boys were in the thick of youth sports and the antics, experiences and observations of coaches, players and parents prompted this blog. I have notebooks, digital reminders, and scraps shoved into file folders with topics for blogs. They’re coming – I promise. But let’s face it: managing a household, a business, a dog and a blog is a challenge. But I love these stories and as you are my witness – I will get back on the blog bandwagon – ’cause really, it’s fun. But I digress.

As I finally take to the keyboard for a long-overdue entry, I am faced with the joy, angst and reality that one of my own young athletes that inspired these stories is about to head off to college. The sporting life continues though, he’ll be playing baseball as well as stumbling into that wondrous world of quasi-adulthood and psuedo-independence. Exciting times.

He’s not alone of course. Most of his peer group is choosing the same traditional move from high school to a 4-year college. The kids are alright. But there is definitely anxiety, hand-wringing and tears, but not so much the kids. As usual, it’s THE PARENTS.

Don’t get me wrong – clearly this is a milestone for parents too. Especially if it’s your first-born. I mean, I shed a few tears when they trotted across the threshold of Kindergarten (wasn’t that literally yesterday?) and I can assure you I’ll shed a few as I drive away from his dorm two weeks from now. But the all-consuming angst that seems to be devouring many of my contemporaries seems, well, slightly out of proportion. Kind of similar to say…YOUTH SPORTS PARENTS!

But honestly, can you blame us? We have been in this over-involved lane for more than 10-years now! Can we really be expected to disengage at this point and just be satisfied with the fact that they made a good choice, it’s the right fit, they’re legitimately excited to be starting this new phase of life? No. We cannot. Because it NEEDS TO BE ABOUT US. But hope springs eternal. We can do this. I know it. Say it with me. “We. Can. Do. This!”

So listen – when the big day arrives, hug him a few seconds longer, run through the checklist with her one more time, linger in the dorm room – get a good cry in on the way home. But before that day and after that day please: Snap out if it!

Tagged baseball, college, college bound, parenting, parents, tales from the bleachers, youth sports

Sep 10 2014

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Football, Kids out-of-control, Uncategorized

Of Rice and Men

So…it’s Ray Rice 24/7. A few weeks ago, when the NFL “updated” their policy on consequences for domestic violence incidents…my friends and I were horrified. Really? SIX games instead of TWO for a first offense, and a ban after a second offense. Really…um because the first time was probably a fluke right? Wait, and pot and booze…like, um, let’s say three games and oh let’s see, how about four games for beer? Heck, they’ll figure it out right?

If the commissioner and owners were judged as parents, I would absolutely not let my kid hang out with their kids. I would classify these “parents” as flaky, permissive, indecisive, and the bottom line: I don’t want my kid influenced by their kid who has questionable, if any, boundaries.

Unfortunately, these “parents'” values and rules are all over the web, the news, and social media. Okay, kudos for outright firing Rice. But, did you know that there are over 20 current NFL Players who have already been charged with domestic violence or assault on a woman? Uh-oh spaghetti-Os…what we gonna do about THOSE kids mom and pop NFL? Yeah, while I am trying to avoid the social media lingo, the only appropriate reply is…wtf?

I don’t know the inner workings of the NFL owners meetings where they come up with the penalties for bad behavior, but I’m going out on a limb here with a thought…beating a woman evidently does not affect your play. Booze, drugs, they might, which is what matters here, right? Cause if my player is high, he might not play well, we might not win, and I might lose out on some cash, some cabbage, cheddar, some scratch. So, let’s make sure we make it painful if “our kids” do THAT. Oh, and, yeah, sets a bad example for the actual kids that worship them too, yeah, there’s that…

I’m not suggesting that our kids think any part of the Rice saga is “okay.” We are the parents and hopefully they are wired by now to know that hitting someone, especially a man hitting a woman, boy hitting a girl, is not okay. Yet, anyone with kids in grade school through high school has seen the poster or heard/seen on TV or radio the awareness campaign for shaken baby syndrome that ran a few years ago. Right? You’re saying it in your head right now because it was E-V-E-R-Y where: “NEVER, NEVER, NEVER Shake a Baby.” Heck, seems like not shaking a baby was common sense right? Guess not. When did we stop telling our kids that hitting is NOT allowed? Is it time to saturate our schools with a new campaign? Maybe. Maybe it’s time for new posters, radio ads, and TV ads: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, hit a girl.* Maybe that campaign should feature the “kids” in a certain major sports organization.
*I know, there are girls who hit boys, and women who hit men. No on that behavior too. For this blog today, we are using the man hits girl example to make the point, stay with me here…

Figure it out people, and by “people” I mean major league sports, college sports, youth sports… Because you know what? My kids are still not allowed to hang out with those “kids” whose parents aren’t sure how to discipline theirs when they hit somebody. Which means…maybe I say no on that swag, that jersey, anything with your family “emblem” on it. Maybe I encourage my friends to do the same…and you know what? That might hurt you where it evidently matters the most.

ps: promise a lighter blog post tomorrow…trust me, I got a million of ’em…

Tagged domestic violence, football, high school athletes, NFL, Ray Rice, youth sports

Apr 27 2014

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Baseball, high school baseball, Youth Sports

LESS IS MORE

I’m not going to start this entry by apologizing for not blogging for weeks – but, I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to blog for weeks! The irony is, observing, managing and volunteering for my kids’ collective 4 teams has occupied most of my non-work life over the past few months, arguably generating TONS of content for TFTB! Here’s what has gone down, nutshell version, in the last 45 days: baseball season with new coach who in his real life trains military special ops, winter football workouts with new “dedicated” trainer, trip with varsity baseball team and parents to AZ (new group for us…), two college visits, two football camps, and a run in with a coach from youth baseball as a high school coach (who used metaphors about boobs as baseballs when he coached my kid in 5th grade ball…) Yeah, much to catch up on.

In the meantime, my neighbor, we’ll call her Sherry, is on the other end of the spectrum with her son, we’ll call him Joey – just jumping into the thrill of it all, she sent me a note earlier in the spring:

“Had to write and give you big kudos for having two boys who are in multiple sports. Today was Joey’s 1st soccer game (1st practice was 3 days prior) and 1st t-ball practice. After watching the majority “of players” run around without objective and spend more time trying to take their teammates hat, play tag etc- I realized it has to get less comical and exasperating or you would surely be on the funny farm. Here’s hoping I’m not the first to go.”

Ohhhhh, Sherry…. hahahahahaha. That is rich! Did you catch that? “It must get less comical and exasperating..” Stop, wait…hold on let me just regain control…

I don’t have the heart to tell her that she will really need to seek some sort of crutch, routine, or other, in order to maintain the “it’s not me it’s them” perspective for the next few years. And by next few years I mean, the kid’s in coach pitch baseball, so he’s still got: kid pitch, tryouts, competitive baseball…not to mention juggling the same in both sports – wait, are you adding football or lax to the mix? will he? will his friends? to say nothing of the input that will inevitably come from Dad…has he weighed in yet on what sports will bring THE OFFERS? All of this excitement is yet to come. And this is all before he gets out of middle school. Sherry, you won’t be the first to go to the funny farm – many, many have gone before you, and most are parents on one of my kids’ teams! Cheers!

photo credit: J-K Photography Parker Colorado. http://www.j-kphotography.net/

Tagged high school sports, joni winkler, tales from the bleachers, youth sports

Mar 18 2014

1 Comment

Uncategorized

The Count

Hey TFTB fans – or should I say HEYYYY BATTER BATTER HEY…I know – it’s been a while – and frankly – not sure you’re still out there, but hey, just fine with this blog as a personal diary. In fact, thinking of reverting to a classic, pink, comeswithalock, must write with instrument…diary. The problem with that is – say it with me… HAND CRAMP!

If you’re reading, great. If not, you’re not. Hopefully I’ll be able to fill in some gaps as to why I have not had (and I’m not being dramatic here) a MINUTE, LITERALLY… to blog in the last 3 months – and no, not going to skip happy hours to blog, (but thanks in advance for the input…) But have faith…I will absolutely amplify the drama that has gone on in the interim…for the benefit of the blog which means for the benefit of your amusement – in the coming days. And trust me, it’s rich, RICH I tell you!

Anyway HERE’S THE THOUGHT FOR TODAY…

BASEBALL SEASON IS UPON US!!

My personal fave. Yes haters…BECAUSE it’s slow, mellow, America’s game (cue James Earl Jones…”BASEball”) and again…slows it all down. Oh yeah, and…typically associated with SUN and HEAT. So, MLB Spring training is still in session, in youth sports practices just under way, in high school baseball games start this week…THEREFORE, I am sharing with you my version, of THE COUNT (may or may not be an ongoing series during the season, but likely..if only to track Hank’s count)

1 HOMERUN (varsity baseball, first at bat, YES!)

1 PIE (fruits of the forest pie from gourmet grocery – HANK, in the KITCHEN, at 2 AM, with THE PAWS)

4 ALTERED BASEBALL PANTS (to long, too wide, not high enough for wearin’up, hole in the ass)

2,500 DOLLARS (fees, trip to Arizona for Varsity tournament, bats, cleats, vet bill)

2lb CORNED BEEF (3/18, left over from St. Patty’s, Hank left alone for 5 minutes)

1 BEAN BALL

1 CYLINDER of Quaker Oats (lower shelf, pantry, 2 a.m. on a Saturday)

4 WALKS

1 DOUBLE

1 SINGLE

1 ESPN HIGHLIGHT (on the run from short, the freshmen saves a run and ends the inning with a scoop @2nd)

GOODNIGHT SPORTS FANS. May or may not see you tomorrow…(have SOOO much to share, teaser alert…high school football team goin to Disney (WHY?), new booster club boss (loves a good flow chart), rumors of embezzled funds in kids’ sports, cat fight (yeah, this is breaking…but stick with me), youth coaches come back to haunt us at the high school level (aka as HS), boys growing up, and seeing the future…) stick with us here at tftb!

Oct 17 2013

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Football, Life lessons

Football to the Rescue

The Guilty Party

It was a bad day. Not catastrophic bad, just, “you’ve got to be kidding me” bad.

It semi-started with an early morning wake up – swing foot out of bed, step down. I do it everyday, routine. This day my foot landed in a soft squish of dog puke. Nice. Setting aside the gross factor for a minute, my first thought was actually, how did I not hear this event? If you have a dog, more specifically a lab – you know that you can usually hear the wind up to a good dog puke long before the pitch. It is this sort of guttural, low, heaving sound. You can literally hear it for miles – can wake you from a dead sleep – and usually, at least with meat-head, gives you a window of opportunity to drag him outside or at least to the tile for easy clean up. ANYhow – on this day, he did manage to silent-barf up the footlong sub and starbursts he had swiped the night before (‘nother story…) – so I could start my day, literally, on the wrong foot.

I really should have gone back to bed…but I didn’t. They do say, into every life a little rain must fall – and really in the scheme of things I am not complaining – okay just whining a little – but the day did continue to unfold in a manner you would only expect from bad sit-com:

After cleaned up colorful upchuck, discover a flat tire, and be informed it could not be repaired so I’ll need 4 new tires.
Be presented with the fact that my electrician had so butchered my ceiling that i needed $400 in drywall repairs
Leave credit card at the cafe where I had a client lunch, drive back and make way home in rush hour
Stub toe (I know, but you know, was just…going to happen…)

BUT IT’S GAME DAY. It was cold, but “football weather.” Not a particularly major match up, but game day nonetheless. Our team is on a roll this season so it’s always a big game. Bottom line: I get to watch a Varsity High School game, and the next day, a freshmen football game. Varsity: win. Lots of long throws, lots of receptions, lots of cheering. The freshmen game was on a blissfully sunny, crisp fall Saturday. Another win! Oh, and I took my tire for a second opinion that morning and found it was repairable, and it was, wait for it….FREE OF CHARGE! I cheerfully drove to the freshman game at the school, pull in and wouldn’t you know, a car is pulling out of the closest spot to the field! Rock star parking I like to call it…that first step the day before is just a warm, mushy memory now — LIFE IS GOOD! Thanks football, I really am getting to like you!

Tagged chatfield chargers, dogs, football, hank

Sep 26 2013

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Baseball, Fan fun, Football

MOJO

Who has it? Who needs it? Where is it? How do you get it? These are the questions.

It’s all about the mojo right? Karma, luck, we put a lot of stock in it. Even a beer company has finally acknowledged how important superstition is to us – (seriously, what took them so long?) Super fan or not, we all know what it means to put on “the rally cap.” “Whatever works” right? I say, RIGHT!

Listen, I grew up in a long-suffering (still suffering) sports town. I could write blog after blog about the rituals, the superstitions we clung to (cling to) for our hometown baseball and football teams. Just ask my mom. In 1980 she spent 2-3 hours every Sunday riding a stationary bike in our basement. She was not allowed upstairs (where the rest of us were watching the game. This was unspoken. My mom did not put up a fight, she knew that if she was not on that bike at kick-off, if her energy or effort waned in any way during that game, that a loss by the Browns was solely on her. My mom was in some kick ass shape that season! I’m not sure Brian Sipe appreciated the dedication it took, but we did – the label Cardiac Kids was taken literally in our household that season. We did make it to the playoffs – not to the big game, I’m not blaming Mimi or anything…

My friend Molly, who I call Trixie, spent 3 of the last innings of a freshmen baseball game balancing on a curb behind, and to the right of the bleachers this past summer. Why you ask? Because while we were chatting in that spot during the 5th inning we started making a comeback against our arch rivals! Obviously it was Trixie’s positioning. We won in the bottom of the 10th! Coincidence? I think not. Current Trixie Tracking (CTT) -Molly aka Trixie comes from the mid-west, huge family, big state, big schools, big sports – she gets the superstition thing and has influential energy, we’ll track her influence and provide periodic updates – CTT: Trixie won’t come to tomorrow night’s football game because we are 4 and 0 and she has yet to make it to a game. Her presence at the Varsity game could well affect the outcome. We’ll miss you at pre-game Trix!

The past two high school football seasons we have established a game-day-sign-buddy-check. Your game day sign needs to either be out at the crack of dawn, or not out, depending on last week’s results of course – and the emails and texts are typically sent prior to any full time job or parenting responsibilities. Out of town? Too bad – get a back up or this game’s on you. This is dedication.

What is wrong with us? Why do we do it? Could we have an effect? Well, physics tells us that energy is neither created nor destroyed. So, I’m down with the “energy is real” theory and that translates to power which translates to influence right? Why do athletes point to the sky when they do something great? Is it Dad? Grandma? The Big Guy? (does the big guy like him/her better than the loser on the field at that moment? And where was He when our athlete sucked last week? I know, it’s just a lot to ponder…)

I like to believe in Karma- good energy out, good energy in. So if I focus my good energy on the game, the player – who’s to argue that it doesn’t have an effect? Talk later, got to go – I have to get my sign out and make sure my lucky shirt is clean – it’s game day.

Oh it’s real….

Sep 23 2013

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Uncategorized

OMG where have I been?

I’ll tell you where I’ve been…wait for it…on the bleachers! Yes, I know, back in April I endeavored to share with you 100 games in 100 days. Well, guess what? When you attend 100 games in 100 days, you’re freaking busy! Who the hell can blog, hold down a full-time job, and attend 100 sporting events? Oh, but wait, in that time I also, in my brilliance, got sucked into participating in not ONE but TWO booster club boards. HAHAHAHAHAHA wtf was I thinking? Between football fundraisers, baseball budgeting, spirit-wear, fan-wear, team meals – I can hardly find the time to ingest a complete a cocktail much less blog about the oh-so-crazy-high-school-sport level….wait, what? Yes, both my athletes are now in high school..and wait, what? Yes, the gettin is good with this many parents, new rules, new coaches, and new crazy so…wait what? Yeah, where have I been? This is good stuff…

Wow, glad we worked through that! Hope you’re all still out there because I am RECOMMITTING TO YOU and you better recommit to me! In other words, and when I say “other” I mean in “their” words, and when I say “their” words you better know who I mean…..I will follow you, will you follow me? All the days and nights (and games) that we know will be, I WILL stay with you, will YOU STAY WITH ME???