Tales From The Bleachers

There’s no crying in baseball. And in football…

Watching Paxton Lynch in tears on the sidelines yesterday during the Broncos/Raiders game tore at my heartstrings. It immediately transported me back to those games my own kids played in that ended in tears or grappling with tears, hours of silence and retreats to their bedrooms to try to reconcile their emotions. My kids are of the male type which adds another layer to the agony of defeat. Let’s face it, when we see a female group of athletes letting their emotions run over we don’t blink an eye. When their male counterparts can’t keep the intense emotion from literally overflowing, there’s a level of judgement. Regardless of the age or gender or level of the athlete, the pressure and emotion associated with playing a sport is real, it’s intense, and it deserves a little space and a little respect. Here are the three occasions where we grappled with the tears of an athlete:

THE LAST GAME. For most youth athletes, this is the last game of their senior season. More often than not it ends on a loss, not a win. For those select few the reality that their time as an athlete has likely come to an end is overshadowed by the hoist of a championship trophy. But for the majority, it’s the stark reality: this is the last time I’ll play a game with these guys. I remember when my oldest was a sophomore in high school and was invited to dress for a varsity playoff game. They lost. When Kyle met us in the parking lot he was pie-eyed. The first words out of his mouth were “I’ve never seen that many guys crying.” Then he said: “I have about 16 more football games in my whole life.” The last game is tough. The majority won’t play an organized sport again and the loss of that last game, the loss of that team bond, the brotherhood or sisterhood of team sports – it’s tough. The tears need to flow.

THE MIGHTY CASEY STRIKES OUT. If your kid was ever the hero of the game, the day they can’t deliver in that same pressure situation is a day for a good cry. The amount of pressure we (the collective we: parents, coaches, other parents…) put on our youth athletes today – and the amount of pressure they put on themselves is completely out of control. But it’s real. When they get in the car, when they arrive home after that loss and believe they let their team down – give them space, let them wallow, pout, shut off for a bit. And make no mistake, it can be almost as hard for a parent to watch their kid go through this. But, it’s part of life – we fall, we get up…my kids are the young men they are because they had to grapple with these disappointments. “First world disappointments” for sure, but it’s all relative in my book. But p.s. after a reasonable amount of time of wallowing – be the parent and help them snap out of it.

SEASON ENDING INJURY. Whether a youth athlete, a high school or college student-athlete, or a professional, the shock and frustration of an injury that takes them out for the season is more than a disappointment. Their mindset for months has likely been homed in on the next season. They’ve practiced, trained, and looked forward to this day, this time. A recent study showed a positive association between a healthy life outlook and an event to look forward to. Having something in the future that we rely on has a physical effect on us. For the athlete, this sudden shift is truly an emotionally catastrophic turn of events. Yesterday, a highly regarded QB tried to endure not only a poor performance on the field, but then a season and possibly career ending injury. His entire life up to this point had been preparing him for this day – only to come crushing down. Yes, he is a highly paid professional. Yes there are worse things that can happen to a person and in fact are happening to humans every day on the planet. But in that moment, in that world, tears flow. Let them.