And then there were two. That was the plan right? You have ’em, they, crawl, walk, run, eventually can get themselves in and out of their car seats (how awesome was that milestone?) then you know, the whole nine: pre-school, primary, elementary, high school, t-ball, pop warner football, little league and on it goes. Disclaimer: I know the college track does not have to be the standard anymore but let’s just set that aside. It went that way for us and hooray all good.
But then the weirdness sets in. Folks ask in the run up: “oh boy…gonna be an EMPTYNESTER EH? oh jeeze whatchya gonna do?…” As if we had absolutely no life, purpose, routine outside of our two boys? WTF?
Okay, we didn’t.
But hold on – we both have full time jobs, two dogs, some good friends, parents who are doing that aging thing. Listen we have stuff. But if we’re being honest our days and weeks for the last 15 years pretty much revolved around the next game, or practice, or sports related meeting, fundraiser, etc. Oh sure we had the occasional family gatherings, holidays, and – I’m sure all kinds of other stuff – but yes – our timelines worked around sports. So YES okay – there is a bit of weirdness now.
We aren’t pathetically pathetic middle-aged adults just waiting for the next text message or OMG PHONE CALL from the boys…(mainly because I have begged for asked the boys for a call every Sunday so there’s that.) No, the truth is that emotionally it’s all good. But the practical thing is where things are a little sideways. Practical in the every day marriage sense, the “just the two of us” sense. So here are some tips based on this new normal. Maybe it will prepare you just a teeny bit in the event you have the kid or last kid flying the coop next year or so:
- Start jotting down conversation starters with your spouse that have nothing to do with the kids. Stuff like: wasn’t that article about prairie dogs being relocated mind-blowing? What, exactly do you do at your job all day? How do you feel about getting another dog?
- Start taking an interest in your S.O’s interests. Remember how you did that when you were dating? (I couldn’t really remember but worth a shot.) For example, my husband loves Rush. I’ve been able to work around that for 18 years. Now I happen to know that Getty Lee’s real name is Gary and his mom had an accent that made it sound like “Getty” and he had funny friends who mimicked her so it stuck. Yes, I am super- wife now. I will bring this up every time the next Rush documentary is on like “see how into this I am? We are so a couple!”
- Start noticing what your spouse likes to eat and doesn’t like. Likewise notice what you ACTUALLY like and don’t like. If you’re like us, you’ve pretty much been shopping and cooking for your kids for years and healthy or not you eat what you can get them to eat, you eat what they like. Two weeks ago I caught myself robotically dumping the usual 10 yoplaits for $10 into my cart. Then, thunderstruck: does Bryan even like yogurt? Do I? REVELATION! So I did it! I put the yoplait back on the shelf! And – went for the greek yogurt instead!
We can do this – yes we can.
Tales From The Bleachers 