Tag Archives: parents

The Kids Are Alright

To quote Cher in Moonstruck: “SNAP OUT OF IT.”

As they say: time flies. I think I started this blog quite a few years ago…my boys were in the thick of youth sports and the antics, experiences and observations of coaches, players and parents prompted this blog. I have notebooks, digital reminders, and scraps shoved into file folders with topics for blogs. They’re coming – I promise. But let’s face it: managing a household, a business, a dog and a blog is a challenge. But I love these stories and as you are my witness – I will get back on the blog bandwagon – ’cause really, it’s fun. But I digress.

As I finally take to the keyboard for a long-overdue entry,  I am faced with the joy, angst and reality that one of my own young athletes that inspired these stories is about to head off to college. The sporting life continues though, he’ll be playing baseball as well as stumbling into that wondrous world of quasi-adulthood and psuedo-independence. Exciting times.

He’s not alone of course. Most of his peer group is choosing the same traditional move from high school to a 4-year college. The kids are alright. But there is definitely anxiety, hand-wringing and tears, but not so much the kids. As usual, it’s THE PARENTS.

Don’t get me wrong – clearly this is a milestone for parents too. Especially if it’s your first-born. I mean, I shed a few tears when they trotted across the threshold of Kindergarten (wasn’t that literally yesterday?) and I can assure you I’ll shed a few as I drive away from his dorm two weeks from now.  But the all-consuming angst that seems to be devouring many of my contemporaries seems, well, slightly out of proportion. Kind of similar to say…YOUTH SPORTS PARENTS!

But honestly, can you blame us? We have been in this over-involved lane for more than 10-years now! Can we really be expected to disengage at this point and just be satisfied with the fact that they made a good choice, it’s the right fit, they’re legitimately excited to be starting this new phase of life? No. We cannot. Because it NEEDS TO BE ABOUT US. But hope springs eternal. We can do this. I know it. Say it with me. “We. Can. Do. This!”

So listen – when the big day arrives, hug him a few seconds longer, run through the checklist with her one more time, linger in the dorm room – get a good cry in on the way home. But before that day and after that day please: Snap out if it!

 

 

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100 Games in 100 Days: Day 7

Day 7: FOOTBALL!!  So, as high school football goes there are a certain number of practices where the boys can wear the whole get up – and go play sort of real games. Then, during summer, not so much the full get up and no hitting etc.  SO – when the kids get to suit up in early summer for a scrimmage the fanatics get excited.    I’ll have a new perspective this year – I have a kid starting in a position that, well, gets the glory and gets the blame for lots of stuff.  And we know football fans aren’t known for tact, or keeping feelings, umm, bottled up.  Even at our friendly neighborhood scrimmage on my day 7 of 100 I overheard a little of this and a little of that. As a parent, whether the kid is 6, 16 or, I’m guessing 26 (poor Mrs. Tebo…but, she’s got the Big Guy on her side…) your instinct is to do that thing in that one Indiana Jones movie…and you really think you can at that moment, just push your hand-as-claw right through the chest of another human and rip out their beating heart,  hold it up for them to fully comprehend the horror, then laugh maniacally….not sure exactly what I’m supposed to do then, but – am I right?  Anyone? You with me?   Well, you will be…trust me.

On to day 8! (maybe a nice 5-year-old soccer game is in order…)

Careful what you say about my kid...

Careful what you say about my kid…

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Serious Biz

So..we’ve entered into a whole new phase….I’m talking football, talking High School, I’m talking varsity, I’m talking CAMPS!  I’m talking RECRUTING…I am talking, this is serious biz.

So, I had the pleasure, no really – I was 100% up for this…of escorting my teen-age son to a football camp in beautiful San Diego.  Right?  Beautiful San Diego…I’m thinking spa day, beach reads, maybe even a cabana boy to bring me a cocktail while I wait for the call that camp is over and where are we dining tonight?  Ahhhh….the perfect weekend.  Wow – let me join those of you in-the-know with some out of control hysterical laughter.  Who’s the idiot? Who’s the naive, ignoramus who thinks high school football camps are NOT a full contact parent activity?  Answer: yeah, it’s me.

You, the parent, are expected to sit on a concrete bleacher during the camp and document their every move on film.  Better yet, get as close as possible and videotape the ENTIRE day’s activities. I mean, not sure if “expected” to, is the right turn of phrase, but evidently that is the drill as nearly every parent was equipped with a tripod, high-speed telephoto digital camera, or, of course, the iPad.  Parents, let’s be honest, nothing is more awesome than holding up a 6″ screen in a foot in front of your face for 5 hours in direct sun. Well, not if you’re from Texas anyway..again, EVIDENTLY.

By day two at 2 PM my ass was in such a state of numbness that I asked the trainer to asses the situation. (no this did not humiliate my son. Well, at least it did not humiliate him as much as my inability to throw a football when the parents were called down to get a taste of what their boys were working on…)

Okay YES I filmed my kid, YES my kid was the best and best looking on the field, YES the morning at the beach on Coronado was awesome, YES I did squeeze in a cocktail or two…but I digress.

I’m not sure how I drew this camp, as the boy and his dad will be attending a couple more this summer – and I have a sneaking suspicion that this was the most unique and really low-stress camp there is – but how did I get here? I’m talking Talking Head’s “how did I get here…”  What the hell is going on? College? Recruiting? One minute they’re peeing in their athletic cup in left field on a hot July day, and the next he’s hanging on the words “there is no reason you can’t play in the NFL” from a guy who actually knows something or two about that league.  Am I ready? Is he? But more importantly, do I have the right AV equipment? I clearly don’t have the right gear to camp out at a stadium for two straight days listening to other parents talk about how many offers they got, are getting or are expecting for their little all-star.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure my son got a lot out of this endeavor, not the least of which was that they have really great oysters at the Fish Market on the bay (tip: sit at the oyster bar and ask for Mannie)  Here’s what I learned

  • My hand is too small to adequately throw a football
  • I am afraid to catch a pigskin that is coming at me like a missile
  • I need a better cooler that will fit in my luggage
  • I need a cocktail that resembles Gatorade
  • His dad should accompany him to all future camps, I’ll stick with baseball tournaments where I can rely on a simple red solo cup.
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Oh Brother Dad!

Really?  Yes, Really. In the heart of every sports parent lies an outrage over their kid’s entitlement, their prowess, their superiority.  However, many (not most) manage to get a smackdown from REALITY that allows them/(us?) to never, ever, let that nasty ole genie out of the bottle.

Today’s case in point: http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/n-j-dad-files-40-million-discrimination-lawsuit-152702734.html Yes, a father is suing because his was kicked off the team (for missing practices) and because coach ran seniors instead of the frosh.  That’ll be $40 mill baby.  Super duper parenting Ervin. Cause now you’ve taught your son:

  1. It’s totes okay for you to expect special treatment regardless of “rules”
  2. You are special. More special than anyone else on the team (or the planet)
  3. Daddy values your hurt feelings at $40 million

Well done Ervin. Good luck at court. I’m sure it’s just another day at the underpaid job for the track coach, just another day…

 

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Dear High School Football, I love you

Dear High School Varsity Football, I love you – today at least.

Okay, so, it was a blast – I’ll admit it – sitting at the varsity football game, wedged between the band and the student section. A perfect fall evening with the sun setting over the Colorado foothills…yes, I was secretly hoping for some deplorable antics from parents or a streaking student – maybe I can catch it on video for TFTB…I mean, you, my faithful groundfloor followers – you DESERVE that! But all I can say is I was practically giddy. There’s my kid – dressed for Varsity, the energy, the good/cute as well as the  REALLY bad choices in fan-wear (seriously mom, something in between the beefy Tee and the tight tank next time?…), the lack of booze, the cross-section of parents (so what if I had to move due to over cologned fan, oh he’s just divorced? shocker…) united in a common quest – I mean, what can compare to this slice of life? (surreal, surprising, exhilarating? Where am I?)

Listen – I was not the rah-rah student when I was in HS. Sports were not really that rah-rah – or so it seemed in the early 80’s. I was not a cheerleader, a pom, a flag..I was a sort of athlete – sort of a party girl – but that’s another story…it’s that journey that’s transformed me I guess – there is just something about traveling the road of youth sports – from soccer bunch ball to tee ball to suddenly finding yourself soaking it all up at the High School level. And as much I hate to admit it..the whole gridiron thing, under the lights, it has a vibe that doesn’t compare to an afternoon at the baseball field or evening at the field house. This is where we start our love affair with arguably the most dangerous and violent sport on the planet…c’mon, have a sip of the kool-aid…it’s Friday – I’m sure there’s lights blazing somewhere near you in a few hours – I dare you! Try to hate it, try, just try, not to love it.

But dear football, remember, we are fickle. You hurt my boys?  You know what they say about that thin line between love and hate, the wrath of an angry woman all that?…

GO CHARGERS!

FIGHT.

WIN…

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A Unique perspective on Parents on-a-rant…

Boys of Summer

So…somehow TFTB got wind of the email chain below. LOVE THE PERSPECTIVE of the unknowing, single, student who received this mass email…and even better, her response!

LONG READ BUT WORTH IT! (names have been changed to protect the off-balance…)

Hello everyone,

I have no idea who any of you are, how you got my email address, and who my apparent child is that is on this baseball team. I live in Kentucky… I’m a medical student… and I have no children, so how I ended up on this list is beyond my comprehension. I will say, however, that I have truly enjoyed the banter, especially the immaturity that the Bart’s possess.

Reading these emails, I think that the entire team would be best off if Willie Bart quit the team and found a team who welcomes those who like to bite other children and have overbearing parents that like to make a huge deal out of something that is supposed to be FUN for the children. I get it, you all are really into baseball, but honestly this is ridiculous and I am completely on the side of Coach S. If your boys lost the game… why would they get a game ball? You lost. Why would you want a ball to remember that by? Giving out game balls for every game demotivates the children. They can’t be babied forever and need to start growing up.

From what I understand, Mr. S  is a VOLUNTEER coach. He has no children playing on in the league, but he still offers his time on several occasions throughout the week. Why? Not for the petty bickering from the Bart’s, but because he loves the game and enjoys coaching the children (I’m assuming). I also understand that he now has a job which cuts into the time he can spend coaching your children. But it also seems like there are 2 other coaches who are there. So… why does it matter if he is a little bit late to practice sometimes due to work.. as long as there is at least one coach there who cares! I agree with what Mr. S said as to if Mr. and Mrs. Bart want to be so involved and tell him how to coach his team then perhaps they should be the ones coaching and not sitting on the sidelines judging and causing drama. These are 8-11 year old boys, just let them play baseball and stop interfering!

Also, the fact that the Bart’s have been forwarding all of these personal emails to an entire list of people (who perhaps I am not the only one who shouldn’t even be on the list) is irresponsible and immature. If they have an issue with an individual they need to discuss it in private with that individual, not the entire team. I don’t blame Coach S for resigning as I would have done the same thing if I had to deal with Mom and Keith as much as he does. Not only have they stirred up unnecessary drama but they have broadcasted this to the rest of the parents, making things awkward for all of those involved.

Mr. S – I wish you the best and hope you are able to coach for a team who truly appreciates your hard work and dedication.

Bart’s – please find something better to do with your time.

Thank you.

On Tue, May 29, 2012 at 12:50 AM, wrote:

To All ~

Hi all I normally would never get involved in any of this, but unfortunately I feel the need to defend my husband.  First, please understand coaches are volunteers they give up time with their families and love ones to coach because they LOVE this game.  My husband does not do because we have kids but because he loves the game.  He is a competitor, not a coach who feels every child should get a ribbon just because but because by the end they are a better person and athlete!  He believes every child has a talent and believes in developing that talent, and there are 10,000 ways to teach it.  My husband could not be at every game or practice on time simply because of work constraints.  My husband was laid off and out of work when he signed up to coach.  After he got the coaching job he was offer a position at work.  At this job he can only take certain days not others, and has relied on his assistants who have been awesome!!  My husband and his assistants have taken a team who the league placed in the WRONG DIVISION and have them giving teams who have been playing together for two years together a run for their money.  I understand the frustration of some parents…losing is not fun.  PLEASE REMEMBER PARENTS THESE COACHES HAVE FAMILIES TOO!  It’s easy to criticize the coaches, but they are giving up their time and families to help your children.  They want them to succeed not to fail.  They know the talent is there with the kids.  It’s knowing your kids can get an A but bring home a D.  My husband is a man who loves the games and enjoys teaching it.  He has gone home losing nights and EVERY TIME he has said I need to do this, or just said what am I doing wrong.  You may not hear it but he does.  If he is wrong he writes an email like a couple of weeks ago and apologizes.  I just hope you all remember the next coaches are volunteers and are doing the best they can with what a league gives them with a situation.  Thank you to all the parents.  I hate blame games my family knows we have made mistakes, but I hope some out there will learn from theirs like we will from ours.

Thank you and God Bless,

Wife of Coach S

On May 28, 2012, at 10:05 PM

Coach S,

That is fine, send that to the director. I had truly hoped you would handle this without trying to hurt Willie. He has done nothing wrong and I am truly offended by your behavior.

As far as that incident with Willie allegedly biting another child, my husband was there that day we have documented our account of the event.

I would advise you to stop replying, I believe you are only digging yourself into a deeper hole.

Mom Bart

From: “Coach S S”

To:

Sent: Monday, May 28, 2012 9:43:12 PM

Subject: Re: Concern, please address immediately

I will also be notifying the league about your son biting another child, again, thanks for your response to my e-mail regarding that.  I guess I need to let the league know.

On May 28, 2012, at 9:25 PM, wrote:

Coach S,

This has nothing to do with my understanding of the game. You have no idea what my history is, or if my husband and I have coached or played in the past.

This has everything to do with defending my son, and the other boys. They do not deserve to be treated the way you treated them yesterday.

If you do not feel the need to address this, then I would suggest you step down from your position. Since you are “only a volunteer” it should be no problem. I believe the other coaches will step up and take care of the boys.

Your reply will be forwarded to the other parents and the league directors.

Thank you for your time,

Mom

 From: “Coach S

To: MOM

Sent: Monday, May 28, 2012 9:12:43 PM

Subject: Re: Concern, please address immediately

Hello,

Thank you for the time you took to write this.  As a volunteer, I am hired by the league to coach a team.  These are my coaching tactics and my decisions.  I have had nothing but disrespect from a select few parents and I don’t appreciate your tone.  Take it up with the league, I don’t have to deal with this line of questioning.  Why don’t you and your husband coach the team and see where they would be.  I have outside things going on that are taken care outside.  You don’t need to know who or why I am late to practices.  I have a job that doesn’t let me out in time.  So take you comments to the league, you don’t deserve to be addressed by me.  How about you take the team over, I’ve had enough of parents that know nothing about the game or discipline.  Don’t talk to me about game balls for losses, give them out yourself if you

feel that they deserve it.  I have never met any less grateful people in all of my life, you want it, you got it, I’m done with you disrespectful people.  Take me off of your e-mail list because you will be blocked in the future.  Call the league tomorrow and go cry to them.  Go find someone that will put up with your attitude and lack of understanding of the game.  Peace.

Coach S

On May 28, 2012, at 8:39 PM

Coach S,

I am sending this email because I can no longer hold my comments back. This is in no way a complaint against the assistant coaches. I am not speaking for any of the other parents as well. I am voicing my concerned strictly based on what my husband and I have witnessed.

I am upset about how yesterdays loss was handled by you. The comment you made after the end of the game, about how the boys are going to learn how to close a game and there would be no game balls. Heres the quotes…”hurry up guys, get your things picked up quick, Tuesday, next practice, we’ll learn how to close out a game.”  No response from anyone. “What you forgot how to answer too?!…ahhhhaa ahhhha!” and when one player asked about the gameball, the response was “No gameballs!”…”No!..I didn’t say I didn’t have any gameballs, I said no one is getting any gameballs!” Then you left without a team huddle which you just announced a few weeks back would become the norm after each and every game. These words indicate to me that you blame the boys 100% for the loss and are taking no responsibility for your part in the loss. If I hadn’t been so stunned by your comments, I would have said something right there.

After the game the boys were obviously upset and your words were belittling and boarder line abusive. This is uncalled for and inappropriate. After talking with my husband, we believe the boys and the parents deserve an apology from you at the next practice. A good way to handle any loss is to

congratulate on the positives and discuss the negatives. There were positive things that happened during yesterdays game, but you did not appreciate that the boys did their best. What needs to be analyzed is what broke down, including the decisions you made as the coach.

I can certainly tell you that my son will NOT play for a coach who treats his team  in this manner. If you believe this is how the game yesterday should have been handled, I will take my son to play baseball elsewhere. I also believe there needs to be an opportunity for the parents to air any concerns they have. There has been very little communication coming from you, except what has been necessary. I do not believe there has been an effort on your part to cultivate any type of relationship with myself or my husband.  An opportunity for the parents to have an open discussion with you may be needed.

I am also aware of how prompt you tend to be to all practices and games. I feel that is it is disrespectful of the boys, the parents and assistant coaches that you are late, to every event. There has been no communication from you at any point when you will be late. I believe you have missed so much practice time, I am not sure how you could accurately assess the boys and their capabilities.

My last concern is with the sending of this complaint. I worry that my son will be ostracized by you, if he isn’t already because of the complaint we have already made to the director earlier in the season. I myself have played on a team with a coach who did it to me, and I know what it looks like. Please leave the boys out of this matter and deal directly with us parents.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. I look forward to seeing you at practice tomorrow.

Mom Bart

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