What is the absolute worst thing that can happen to a teen in his formative years? Let’s set the stage: school has just started (sophomore year), so, in fact, has football season, and he’s beyond excited to be starting JV and also, dressing for Varsity! It’s game day – first Varsity game. Hmm, what could go wrong? What could cause him to be tested in terms of his friends, his teachers, his coach, the team…? What and how will his grace under pressure be tested today…
Really, let yourself really go back and try to recall the myriad of things that could be “the absolute worst day of your teenage life…” – a breakup? a breakOUT? braces? failing your drivers test? switching schools? farting in class?? Ha, please. These pale in comparison to the pressure cooker that was our house on Thursday morning.
Wake, spend extra time choosing shorts, socks, and shoes (that’s another story…what’s with the boys and the shoes all of a sudden.) Amble downstairs where, of course a balanced breakfast of protein, carbs, fats and OJ. Pay no attention to clock (in our house time waits for all men) Well, time to head out – let me just go grab my game day jersey.. (ahh, I’m a Varsity football player…) Umm Houston, we have a problem…..WHERE…. IS…MY… VARSITY. JERSEY……???!!!???
Initially, the parents reverted to an oft-played out scene in our (and yours I’m sure) household – “well, hmm, that would be your responsibility/where did you leave it last?/well no surprise your room is a pig sty/if I’ve told you once to keep track of your stuff I’ve told you…..” He is not hearing us, his eyes are wild, his face is flushed, “it’s gone, it’s gone, Oh, My, God – no, it’s not here….” Here we go again – my kids know my saying in these situations “It will turn up, everything always does.” When he turns on me – I NEED IT NOW!!! AND IT’S GONE!!! I am about to react in my usual, disciplined way: scream even louder back at him. But wait – I pulled my husband aside – this is big – think about it: he is 15, the potential for disenfranchisement (whole team is wearing jersey at school) the humility (my first V-squad game and I won’t have a jersey..) the confrontation with authority (telling coach…)
To say our son was unhinged was putting it lightly. You could literally see him running each awful scenario in his mind…sitting in class w/out his jersey, not being associated with his “tribe,” his coach’s perception of him changing from competent to irresponsible, the potential mocking from Juniors and Seniors..his friends who know he’s the next big thing maybe seeing him NOT in the varsity jersey.”I am screwed” (yeah, you kind of are.) “You are NOT, calm down and don’t use crude language!” (bringing back all my own anxieties from sophomore year at an all girls catholic school…so glad I’m not you right now..)”You can not lose your mind this way when something bad happens pull yourself together!” (this is bad, not good, bad.)
Stay calm, I thought, as we got into the car before another potential travesty could occur (being late for first period! I have a very conscientious kid…) “Let’s just do the thing – think…last time you took it off”…He was reengaged…”At the scrimmage, I put it in a string bag”…(oh, we only have 189 of those and they are spread throughout the house and garage but) “Go on…” “I got my pants out of it this week…it’s in the garage! It has to be, or somewhere in the house (great)…” He calls dad – a massive house hunt ensues, his younger brother is wrestled out of bed. Younger brother: “oh, it’s in my room – someone put it in my laundry….why didn’t somebody just get me up” (this one is of a different spirit than his brother…) Dad calls son as we pull into the school parking lot with the good news and his assurance he will get the jersey to him before second period. (the proud dad of a sophomore on varsity is perfectly willing to move his schedule to avoid son’s humiliation…living vicariously, maybe.)
Blood pressure slows, heart beat returns to normal, 15-yr old experiences post “flight/fight” body response. I take full advantage of that — teaching moment right? “Wow, you handled that GREAT! Lot’s of character there…I hope you learned from this…you need to keep track of your stuff….next time you….” Do you think he heard me over the ringing in his 15-yr old head? Hopefully next crisis involves a runaway zit. That, is manageable.
This is not a jersey. It’s so, so much more…
Tales From The Bleachers 